Last night, on Faux News (see what I did there?), TeeVee personalities Geraldo Rivera and Bill O’Reilly recommended the murder of David Earls, a convicted child-rapist who was sentenced to a ridiculous one-year term for his crime.
Because the problem isn’t our criminal justice system, but the fact that we cannot openly murder certain undesirables, [...]
Archive for June, 2009
Fox Alert: Audiences Can Now Text Hit Lists; Kill
Posted in TeeVee, tagged death, Fox News, Geraldo on 06/30/2009 | 1 Comment »
Mark Sanford’s Staff Incapable Of Getting Him To Stop Talking To Reporters
Posted in Politicking, Wingnuts, tagged ay papi, his kids probably hate him too, i'd vote for him, Mark Sanford, South Carolina on 06/30/2009 | 1 Comment »
JUST SLAP HIM AND TELL HIM TO STOP SAYING WORDS FOREVER; IT’S NOT HARD: Geez Louise, this guy. I was all set to ignore his terrible shame for the rest of my life, as it had seemed to cease in being hilarious. Oh well.
During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The [...]
More Headlines: Trains And Cars Also Racist
Posted in Colleges, Economy, Education, Military, Terrorisms, The End of the World, Traveling to the Foreigns, War, World News, tagged death, Economy, student loans on 06/30/2009 | Leave a Comment »
• A freight train derailed and exploded in Northern Italy, killing at least 12 and injuring 50. [Talking Points Memo]. Oh and a car bomb hits NATO-supplying trucks in Pakistan, killing four. [NY Times]
• As the U.S. begins its troop withdrawal from Iraq, the country is expected to start a much-heralded auction of licenses to develop [...]
Today’s Headlines: Airplanes Are Racist Towards Humanity
Posted in Traveling to the Foreigns, World News, tagged Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, planes, racism on 06/30/2009 | Leave a Comment »
• The Supreme Court ruled on Monday that white firefighters in New Haven were discriminated against when the city tossed out the results of a test on which they did well and black firefighters did … not so well. The 5 to 4 decision reverses an appeals court ruling joined by Supreme Court nominee Sonia [...]
Today’s Headlines: Bernie Madoff To Remain Imprisoned Until Year 2159, For Being Mean To Kevin Bacon
Posted in Economy, Prisons, Traveling to the Foreigns, War, World News, tagged Bernie Madoff, Honduras, Iraq on 06/29/2009 | Leave a Comment »
• Don’t you ever say to yourself, ‘Where have all the good military coup d’etat’s gone?’ Well, say no more. On Sunday, the Honduran army ousted President Manuel Zelaya, disarming his Presidential guard and putting him on a plane to Costa Rica, while still in his pajamas. Hehe. The Honduran Congress later voted [...]
Michael Jackson Kills The Internet
Posted in Internet, Music, tagged Internet, Michael Jackson, smooth criminals, Twitter doesn't deserve to live on 06/26/2009 | Leave a Comment »
The news of Michael Jackson’s cardiac arrest-coma-resuscitation-death-resurrection-posthumous album featuring 2Pac caused such a flurry of Internet activity yesterday, heavily-trafficked websites such as CNN, LA Times, Twitter, and TMZ were crushed in a shitstorm of Google monsters searching for updates on Jackson’s condition. Har har. [Tech Crunch]
Meanwhile, Jackson’s music is crushing ass on Itunes, occupying eight [...]
Today’s Headlines: Rest In Peace, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!!
Posted in Movies, Religion, World News, tagged Farrah Fawcett, if Jesus had a gun there'd be no Easter, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Michael Jackson on 06/26/2009 | Leave a Comment »
• As an adult he sure was weird, and quite possibly other very nefarious things, but he was also a legendary American entertainer and something of an iconic figure around the globe. Michael Jackson, dead at 50. Not cool, y’all, not cool. [NY Times]
• The new King of Pop Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will replace Jackson on [...]
Alleged Photos Of Mark Sanford’s Sophisticated Lady Have Surfaced
Posted in Politicking, Sexytime, Traveling to the Foreigns, tagged "she reminds me of a bedtime story...", ay papi, Mark Sanford on 06/25/2009 | 2 Comments »
The Argentine media is claiming Governor Mark Sanford’s friend with benefits, ‘Maria’, is this woman, Maria Belen Chapur, a successful 43 year-old business executive and mother of two. North America awaits her inevitable nude pictorial in Slave State magazine, the South Carolina quarterly. [Fits News]
Governor Mark Sanford’s Sexy Emails To Exotic Girlfriend ‘Maria’ Revealed
Posted in Politicking, Sexytime, Traveling to the Foreigns, Wingnuts, tagged better than Junot Diaz' writing at least, Mark Sanford on 06/24/2009 | Leave a Comment »
HERE’S SOME FINE, FINE PROSE FROM A MAN WHO HAS SEEN MARIA’S MRRROWW, AND LIKED IT: “You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or [...]
Breaking!! GOLLY GEE Mark Sanford Has Just Confessed To An Extra-Marital Affair, But What Is The Young Man’s Name??
Posted in Politicking, Sexytime, Traveling to the Foreigns, Wingnuts, tagged Father's Day is for sexing, he went to Argentina for a good cry, Mark Sanford, republicans, South Carolina on 06/24/2009 | Leave a Comment »
Oh sure he says it was with a woman, but he’s been lying about everything else so … eh … let’s give him a pass, for now.
Just know that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, in a troubling, meandering, whimpering, and politically suicidal press conference – in which he apologized to God and various [...]
And By ‘Appalachian Trail’ He Meant ‘Buenos Aires’
Posted in Politicking, Traveling to the Foreigns, Wingnuts, tagged ay papi, Mark Sanford, weirdos on 06/24/2009 | Leave a Comment »
Rascally Governor Mark Sanford (R-South Carolina) was NOT actually rubbing his crotch against the trees in the forest, to relax, as was previously reported. He was in Buenos Aires, Argentina, “alone” the whole time (mmhmm), seeking out the exotic locale and ahem, recharging his battery.
Addressing the media at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta, Sanford said [...]
Richard Nixon Haunts Us From The Grave With His Views On The Usefulness Of Interracial Children
Posted in Politicking, tagged abortion, not a fan of the race-mixin', Richard Nixon on 06/23/2009 | Leave a Comment »
Yeah yeah so the National Archives released some new 150 hours of Richard Nixon sex tapes, and gosh golly he just had quite a bit to say about a few things.
How did this deranged swine feel about abortion you ask? (As you know, it was a hot topic back in his day [...]
Maybe He Just Wanted To Know How It Felt To Take A Dump In The Forest?
Posted in Politicking, tagged becoming one with nature, Mark Sanford, shitheads, South Carolina, what happens on the trail stays on the trail on 06/23/2009 | 1 Comment »
GUBERNATORIAL UPDATES: Mark Sanford, South Carolina, has been found! (Hooray!) And plans to return to work tomorrow! (Ugh.)
According to his spokesman, the Governor also seemed to be “taken aback” by the amount of attention his five-day absence from Earth received. Because again, sitting governors often abandon their families, staff, and constituents [...]
More Headlines: Prison Rape and Terror Suspects With Guns (Just To Lighten The Mood)
Posted in Prisons, Stuff, Terrorisms, The End of the World on 06/23/2009 | Leave a Comment »
• An audit by the Government Accountability Office released yesterday reports that people named on the government’s terrorism watch list have successfully purchased firearms hundreds of times since 2004; in one case, a known or suspected terrorist was able to obtain an explosives license!!! So, to recap, we mistakenly imprison and torture people in places like [...]
Today’s Headlines: South Carolina Governor Lost In The Woods And Has Apparently Never Seen Deliverance
Posted in Military, Politicking, Science, Stuff, War, Weirdnesses, tagged brain trauma, drug cartels, Mark Sanford on 06/23/2009 | Leave a Comment »
• Being a 14 year-old hired killer for your local Mexican drug cartel is a pretty cool way to make a living because you get to make some money, score hot chicks, and kill people. Oh and the tattoos you get in jail? Delish… [NY Times]
• An untrained idiot (like me, for instance) would wager [...]
Missouri State Representative Cynthia Davis Thinks Kids Should Be Denied Summer Food Program, In Hopes It Motivates Them To Get A Job For Chrissakes
Posted in Politicking, tagged bad ideas, child hunger, Missouri, politics, shitheads, someone fart on this woman on 06/22/2009 | 4 Comments »
The Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services has a summer food program (probably for illegal immigrants and the coloreds) that provides “food during the summer for thousands of low-income Missouri children who rely on the school cafeteria for free or reduced-price meals during the regular school year.” Say, how thoughtful. Right? [...]
Racial Profiling To Be Legalized In Arizona (But Only To Get Rid Of Those Darned Immigrants)
Posted in Lawmaking, Politicking, Racisms, Wingnuts, tagged Arizona, probable cause = being Mexican, racial profiling on 06/22/2009 | Leave a Comment »
As if abuse by federal authorities is not enough, immigrants crossing through Arizona now have the pleasure of looking forward to abuse by state police as well.
Arizona has put forth a new immigration proposal that would require state police to try to determine people’s immigration status when/if they have reasonable suspicions that a person [...]
The U.S. Economy Is In The Shitter (Ta-da!)
Posted in Stuff, The End of the World, tagged broke ass nation, Economy, unemployment, you will die very soon on 06/22/2009 | Leave a Comment »
–>The nation’s unemployment rate is projected to rise for another year, before topping out in double digits, thereby threatening to slow economic growth and increase poverty. So, all those reports and rumors of the recession ending? LIES! All lies, my pretties! Mwaaaahhahahaha.
[Wash Po]
–>A quarter of U.S. employers have eliminated matching contributions to employee 401(k) retirement [...]
Effectiveness Of U.N. Programs Questioned
Posted in The End of the World, World News, tagged United Nations, World Health Organization on 06/19/2009 | Leave a Comment »
In the last two decades, the world has spent more than $196 billion attempting to save people from death and diseases in poor countries. However, two studies released today – one by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the other by The University of Washington, question the actual effectiveness of the U.N.’s programs.
WHO researchers [...]
World Hunger Reaches Historic High
Posted in The End of the World, World News, tagged world hunger on 06/19/2009 | Leave a Comment »
One out of six people in the world – that’s 1.02 billion individuals – is now hungry, according to a report released by the Food and Agriculture Organization today. Compared with last year, that’s 100 million more people – an 11 percent increase – who are hungry this year, meaning they receive fewer than 1,800 [...]
So, About That Whole Slavery Thing… Yeah…
Posted in Stuff, tagged dumb resolutions, slavery, U.S. Senate on 06/18/2009 | 1 Comment »
Sorry ’bout that. Don’t be looking our way for any reparations, though. Goddamn people always looking for handouts. It wasn’t us!
That’s more or less what the Senate resolution “apologizing” for slavery said today. Feel better yet, blacks? Who cares! The Senate feels better about itself at least, and that’s what really counts.
[CNN]
